blog change status

One noble soul requested that I start posting a photo each time. My photo ---- !!!!! I did not want to start a horror or comic strip!!!!! Instead you may find some of my collectibles from over the years.

UPDATE CAMERA IS KAPUT TIME TO SAVE FOR ONE

dilemma

So as I was walking back I tried to analyze the confusion that was arising within me. I have not been long enough in my recent visits to Des to experience about Islamic revival if any. I have spent more time here involved with Islam than I ever was in Des. Then I started thinking backward to the point when the first muslims arrived here. there were no second generation muslims that time and competition was among themselves. Now when I look around I see a couple of first gens and hajaar gen 2s. And then I try to fit myself into one of these two groups. I am neither as old as the gen 1s and also dont walk the talk of gen2s. If i was a gen1 then you can see their fixed racial distinctions - an arab for an arab a desi for a desi. Then i look at gen2s - all that talk of leaving race behind appears crap - really a big ideology of waste talk. shake some salt and pepper here and there to create a mix breed, that gets lost in the yolk and the white. So where do I lie still goes unanswered........... Should i pave my way as a gen1/gen2/mix/[pure].

Next I thought of approaching the problem in a different way - I started comparing des ki dharti with videsh. and seriously whenever you talk about it boils down to a loss ov values on both sides. in the discussion never does parents arise. but deep down they tilt the balance for desh. my other friends dont have a problem returning back. I am a minority there and am a minority here. (yeah muslim nations not accepting muslims is a big paradox that I have to live with). Then to accomodate the imbalance towards desh, we try to add a variable on both sides called as Islam. Why a variable and not a constant? Thinking about it, islam in india & USA is not about Tableeghs running the place, and not about 'knowledgeable' sheikhs being present in every masjid in usa. so ultimately what you add on both sides is a variable and not constant. So the question still remains ................ swades, vides

Lastly you try to solve a problem for one person and there is another problem that is twisted a little and sent back to you. I confused (interpret helped) RN of decison making based on an expectation list. but then I went back to the one I created and the first question that would come would be: How do you compare her from there and her from here?

So whichever way you think at it, you are dancing to predecided tunes aka fate. you dont how the tune ends.......

why so tough

Is life moving? is it going forward or going backward? Coming back from the masjid, i was thinking about the one big question that NV answered way back - From here or from there? It is such a big jump, and requires some big decisions. There is so much here and so much there. M and D are there, DD is there and however far I run I will always be a desi at heart. Still when I joke I use hindi. I think in English though. I wanted to be a beacon of hope and a role model for the younger generations back home, and still there are so many faces here that also look up to me (I assume a lot here). D wanted me to go there and emulate RaM's model, but still they are scared of RaM's model and his decision to move away once and for all. You look back at the tough times that we went through as a family and how we stuck on with Allah and hope, I with determination and Ps with patience. Each time I boarded the plane the same questions would ring - will they join me, will I join them? At these trough points you look up in whose hands we are clay puppets, and hope that he moves us into something better.

Frankly I read the above paragraph and notice gibberish. So just posting this to get me started.

the umpteeenth return to bloggin

So now things are becoming more serious. Formally given up on AS now in the process of evaluating RY. Had a lot of soul thinking sessions, twhile walking up and down from the masjid. The number of decisions to be made dont end. The concurrency is not up and working as yet and thats driving me crazy. There is no progress on the other front and thats hitting me hard, and bungling up my thought process. Thats why you have calvin expecting aliens but none are to be seen.

Something somewhere still is troubling me. Dont know why, dont know why.